Sometimes the hurt spouse wants to do individual work for a while. This may be important in situations such as…
YOU ARE NOT SURE YOU WANT TO STAY IN OR WORK ON THE MARRIAGE
You may feel very torn and need help sorting everything out… getting in touch with your deepest feelings in order to chart a course of action for yourself. Individual therapy provides you personal, private space without having to worry about the impact your process may have on your spouse. It may be that you feel you need this opportunity before engaging in marriage counseling or making a decision to leave the relationship.
YOUR SPOUSE REFUSES TO END THE AFFAIR (or, you suspect that they are not being honest with you.)
If your spouse refuses to end the affair but still expects you to stay with them, it may be best for each spouse to have their own therapies for a while, to gain some clarity about their true personal desires and to sort out the next steps that need to be taken.
YOUR SPOUSE REFUSES TO ATTEND MARRIAGE COUNSELING
This can leave you feeling very alone and hopeless. It can feel like there’s no point in getting help for yourself if he/she is not willing to confront their actions and the effects they’ve had on you. But, as an individual, you have your own emotional life that deserves support, care, and understanding… with or without your partner.
YOU SPOUSE HAS LEFT AND HAS CHOSEN THE OTHER PERSON
This can be devastating. A good therapy relationship can help heal this possibly traumatic experience.
INDIVIDUAL OR COUPLE COUNSELING?
Many individuals who have discovered their spouse’s affair want to focus on themselves for a while. Please contact me to discuss whether joint or individual therapy is the right thing for you at this point. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have been assisting individuals and couples with their relationships for 32 years. I can be reached at (415) 751-6515, (925) 948-0562 or at email@example.com
If you are outside of the San Francisco Bay Area and would still like to work with me, I offer tele-therapy sessions for individuals. If you want to find someone in your area, you can visit my “Links” page to find a geographical listing of therapists who are effective at working with affairs.