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Tag: affairs trauma

Why Do I Keep Obsessing Over the Affair?

Why Do I Keep Obsessing Over the Affair?

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Obsessing over a partner’s infidelity is a natural response to the trauma of discovery.  Most individuals find themselves unable, at times, to stop turning over in their minds the lies, snippets of conversation, unanswered questions and things that never  added up. Re-visualizing the same devastating images of the affair couple together is also very common.  Although this can be agonizing it is actually part of the healing process that will probably go on for some time. It might feel strange…

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How Can I Stop Obsessing Over the Affair?

How Can I Stop Obsessing Over the Affair?

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In order to help yourself when you can’t stop thinking about the affair, it is important to understand the different functions obsessing can serve in your healing process. My first and most important piece of advice is to try to stop beating yourself up for those times when you can’t stop going over the details, questions, lies, or things that just don’t add up, over and over again. (For more about lying click here.) It is important to understand that …

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The Seven “R’s” of Healing an Affair

The Seven “R’s” of Healing an Affair

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You might be surprised  at how upset your partner is about your affair.    The amount of rage directed at you can be overwhelming.   Your spouse’s depression and withdrawal may be highly anxiety provoking.  Although you both might want to work it out, you can find yourselves tossed about in  a turbulent sea of emotions.  You may feel desperate for a way to fix things,

Questions and More Questions About the Affair

Questions and More Questions About the Affair

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It might seem like the questions will never stop, or that there are no answers that can satisfy.  However, there is a kind of “healing intelligence” behind these questions, and they usually occur in roughly the following sequence.  Although there can be more than one motivation for asking a question, a bit of introspection will reveal the core of what you are searching for. Shock:  “How could you do this!?”  “How could this have happened!?”  “Do you have any idea…

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Forgiving an Affair

Forgiving an Affair

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You’re all over the place emotionally; enraged, hurt, humiliated, terrified and very confused.  How could this have happened?  It couldn’t have.  But it did!  But it couldn’t have.  This can’t be real.  It happens to other people.  But it did happen.  It happened to us!  But it couldn’t have… You might start to wonder what you did to cause this.  The answer is you didn’t cause it.  But still… 

Affair Proof Your Marriage?

Affair Proof Your Marriage?

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Can you?  Is this possible?  Many writers present plans that are supposed to be near fool-proof.  Some are aimed at husbands; some are aimed at wives.  Do this, be that way, and you can prevent your partner from straying.  It’s appealing, and, on the whole,

“I Told You If You Ever Have an Affair It’s Over!”…

“I Told You If You Ever Have an Affair It’s Over!”…

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you remind him, glaring.  And so begins many courses of marriage counseling. It’s a predicament.  You’ve just found out you’ve been betrayed in the one way you vowed you would never tolerate.  This is awful enough.  But the idea of breaking a vow that you made to yourself, as well as your partner can be making you feel

Why Don’t I Want to Apologize for the Affair? Part II: Beliefs

Why Don’t I Want to Apologize for the Affair? Part II: Beliefs

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Everyone has their own personal beliefs about affairs.  These beliefs can stem from how we saw adults around us behaving with each other during our childhood.  They can stem from how our parents and other relatives talked about and regarded affairs, from the particular culture you grew up in, and your religious upbringing and beliefs.  Sometimes beliefs about affairs are really rationalizations that allow the affair to go on.  If you really believe these things, than you don’t feel that…

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I Just Found Out My Partner is Having an Affair!

I Just Found Out My Partner is Having an Affair!

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Most likely, you are in shock and feel as if the floor has opened up under you. Suddenly, there is an emergency and a strong need to take some action right away; you may have already left or thrown your partner out, or you may feel on the verge of doing so. But this may not bring you any real relief. Your sense of safety, of trusting your own experience, of your place in the world, has suddenly been shaken…

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