If you were born as the result of an affair, life may be difficult for you in ways that could be hard for others to understand. It truly is a unique experience with no parallels that I can think of.
Finding out that your mother or father is not your biological parent, or that there is (and/or has been) ill will towards you for something you had no choice in, can be shocking and life-altering. Perhaps you’ve found out that agreements were made to keep your very existence a secret. Before the revelation, you may have lived with an inexplicable feeling of not fitting in/belonging, feeling unwanted, and/or not being able to trust others. As an adult, it may be hard for you to form stable and long-lasting relationships. Or, perhaps it’s just that something never quite felt right- something you couldn’t put your finger on which has kept you in a state of unease.
Therapy offers the kind of relationship that can counteract what you have had to endure, perhaps alone, for many years. The painfully complex emotional experiences you live with can finally be understood and treated with compassion, empathy, and respect. We can take a deeper look at what happens/has happened to you when you try to establish bonds with others while trying to cope with internal signals that tell you to stay at a distance, to not trust, in order to protect yourself.
I am a psychotherapist with 38 years of experience assisting with relationships, trauma and identity issues. If you would like to discuss the possibility of working together please contact me at (925) 948-0562 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. When reaching out, please indicate the best times to reach you in person. If you do not live in the San Francisco Bay Area, there is a geographical listing of people who are effective with affairs on the “Links” page of this blog.