If you are involved with a married person and reading this, chances are that you have already gone through the initial stage of infatuation and blinding bliss. In this initial stage you have not wanted to think too deeply about the realities you have been creating in your life by pursuing this relationship.
But as things progress and the honeymoon period wears off, you start to have questions. You bring them up to you lover, but most likely come away with answers that leave you only partially or not at all satisfied. Here are some examples of questions that individuals in this situation find themselves asking.
Would they leave their spouse for you?
Do they really love you?
Have they had other affairs?
How do they justify the affair in their mind?
Would they cheat on you also?
Are they really not having sex with their spouse?
The strangeness of the situation cannot help but make you wonder what you really mean to your affair partner. Getting these answers can become more and more important as you become more involved and possibly obsessed with your lover. There is a point where you come to realize that you might not be as central to them as they are to you.
Rona Subotnik illuminates a list of paradoxical realities that you may find yourself living with as the other person. Here is my version of her findings: (more…)