Affairs in film and television series are often portrayed as exciting adventures, fun and mischievous; a way of breaking free from oppression… a conduit to a joyful existence. Embarking on an affair can seem
Over the years I have helped many Asian American couples heal from affairs. Many of the couples involved have been first or second generation Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese or South Korean. These are the Asian
When couples get stuck trying to emerge from the emotional devastation of an affair, it feels awful. The same hurtful arguments are repeated over and over, resulting in scabs yet again being torn off
Obsessing over a partner’s infidelity is a natural response to the trauma of discovery. Most individuals find themselves unable, at times, to stop turning over in their minds the lies, snippets of conversation, unanswered
In this post I will address how children are impacted by their parent’s affairs. In subsequent posts I will discuss the effects on adult children of affairs and offer suggestions for parents involved in
“We have the same conversations over and over. She gets triggered and tells me about it. She’s in a great deal of pain. I listen and tell her I’m sorry. I am sympathetic. Sometimes
I don’t know why she can’t get over this. I ended the affair, have been spending much more time at home, doing more around the house, paying more attention to her, being more affectionate.
Of all of the people who show up for therapy struggling with some aspect of an affair, those in the infatuation, pre-affair (or maybe emotional affair) stage are the least likely to appear. This is
The revelation of an affair is frequently a shocking experience. In long-term relationships the fidelity of one’s partner is, more often than not, taken for granted, providing an emotional foundation for the couple. Trust
“How can I ever trust you again?” “How could I have ever trusted you?”“Trust me, this will never happen again.” “How can I win back your trust?” The sudden loss of trust is shocking.
By “getting over” I don’t mean forgetting about it, or somehow making it okay. But I am writing to you if you find yourself consumed by pain and anger and obsessive thoughts that feel
“Should I give my partner an ultimatum…the other person or me?” This is a question I hear frequently. Discovering your partner’s affair can be traumatic enough. The best chance for healing the marriage is
It’s definitely what most people believe, and tell their spouses early on. “If you ever have an affair, it’s over!” There are many reasons some find it important to take this stand at the outset.
The revelation of infidelity can bring great emotional upheaval; everything suddenly feeling upside down and inside out. The relationship can feel shattered. Yet, in spite of this, sometimes hope for the relationship’s survival remains.
You might be surprised at how upset your partner is about your affair. The amount of rage directed at you can be overwhelming. Your spouse’s depression and withdrawal may be highly anxiety provoking. Although
In order to help yourself when you can’t stop thinking about the affair, it is important to understand the different functions obsessing can serve in your healing process. My first and most important piece of advice
It can be completely crazy-making to feel like you cannot get at the truth. Something doesn’t feel right between the two of you, he’s not around as much as he used to be, not
“Men weren’t really the enemy – – they were fellow victims suffering from an outmoded masculine mystique that made them feel unnecessarily inadequate when there were no bears to kill” Betty Friedan, Christian Science
During the traumatic throes of the discovery of an affair, finding the right label, and therefore, singular explanation may feel like a life preserver. As you read through books and web sites, you’ve probably
Some time ago I received a call from the Dr. Phil Show wanting to know if had any information about children of affairs. I did some research and was shocked to find…nothing! I have
I have just come across clarification on a statistic I cited in “Can Relationships That Start as Affairs Succeed?” In that post I stated that 25% of relationships that start as affairs succeed. I
Emotional affair? I thought affairs meant extramarital sex! He tells me they’re just friends. Am I wrong to be concerned? Can’t I have friends of the opposite sex? Isn’t it better to give them
This is the third in a series of posts addressing children and affairs. In Part I, I described the effects affairs can have on children; in Part II, I addressed the question of whether
Your Role as Parents No matter how devastated you are, you are still faced with the task of keeping it together for the children. This can be a double-edged sword. The immediacy and sometimes
If you are involved with a married person and reading this, chances are that you have already gone through the initial stage of infatuation and blinding bliss. In this initial stage you have not
I came across an interesting statistic recently; 25% of relationships that start as affairs succeed. “Succeed” is defined as the couple staying together, rather than by the quality of the relationship. I was surprised
You are probably in shock. You might feel as if the floor has opened up under you. Suddenly, there is an emergency and a strong need to take some action right away; you
Most likely if you are reading this you have been struggling with whether to tell your partner for a while. It’s natural to feel paralyzed, and unable to think deeply about your options. The
If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, has it made a sound? The intrigue this question provokes is related to a central idea in postmodern philosophy, which is; a