Everyone has their own personal beliefs about affairs. These beliefs can stem from how we saw adults around us behaving with each other during our childhood. They can stem from how our parents and other relatives talked about and regarded affairs, from the particular culture you grew up in, and your religious upbringing and beliefs. Sometimes beliefs about affairs are really rationalizations that allow the affair to go on. If you really believe these things, than you don’t feel that you should have to apologize and you may be truly shocked at how traumatized your partner is upon discovery. Janis Abrahms Spring lists some beliefs that justify affairs (and I’ve added a few of my own):
It’s okay if I truly love the other person.
It’s okay if it’s just for sex and my partner remains the most important person to me.
It’s okay as long as we don’t actually have sex.
What my partner doesn’t know won’t hurt him or her.
A one-night stand (more…)