betrayal Archives - Page 2 of 2

Why Don’t I Want to Apologize for the Affair? Part II: Beliefs

February 18, 2012 Susan Berger Comments 10 comments

Everyone has their own personal beliefs about affairs. These beliefs can stem from how we saw adults around us behaving with each other during our childhood. They can stem from how our parents and other relatives talked about and regarded affairs, from the particular culture you grew up in, and your religious upbringing and beliefs. Sometimes beliefs about affairs are really rationalizations that allow the affair to go on. If you really believe these things, than you don’t feel that…

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Why Don’t I Want to Apologize for the Affair? Part I

January 29, 2012 Susan Berger Comments 0 Comment

It can be confusing to know that you have betrayed your partner’s trust, to see him or her so devastated, and yet be unable to feel true remorse. This lack of remorse can be the final nail in the coffin of a marriage. You can see that it leaves your partner feeling more betrayed, enraged, disgusted, and/or withdrawn. You can see their panic and feel the tenuous threads holding you together fraying. What you might not know or want to…

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How to Help Your Partner Heal From Your Affair

September 13, 2011 Susan Berger Comments 3 comments

The discovery of an affair is traumatic for everyone involved. However, there are important things you can do to help your partner heal over time. It can be useful to think about trauma as something that actually wants to heal. If provided with the appropriate conditions, it frequently does. Your partner probably feel that his or her world, life, identity, and marriage has been shattered. Natural reactions include feeling betrayed, panicked, rageful and vengeful, and ultimately very deep, and previously…

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Who Should I Tell About the Affair?

March 14, 2011 Susan Berger Comments 14 comments

Whether you are the other person, the discoverer, or the discovered, virtually all of your relationships have been altered by the affair. Especially at first, the impulse to keep the affair a secret is usually very strong. Certainly, the person having the affair doesn’t want anyone to know, and the secrecy can even add excitement to the affair relationship. However, if you are feeling conflicted about the affair, it may be painful

I Just Found Out My Partner is Having an Affair!

January 11, 2010 Susan Berger Comments 27 comments

Most likely, you are in shock and feel as if the floor has opened up under you. Suddenly, there is an emergency and a strong need to take some action right away; you may have already left or thrown your partner out, or you may feel on the verge of doing so. But this may not bring you any real relief. Your sense of safety, of trusting your own experience, of your place in the world, has suddenly been shaken…

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What is an Emotional Affair?

May 23, 2009 Susan Berger Comments 76 comments

Emotional affair? I thought affairs meant extramarital sex! He tells me they’re just friends. Am I wrong to be concerned? Can’t I have friends of the opposite sex? Isn’t it better to give them a long leash? Emotional affairs have become a hot topic in the last several years, resulting in much needed clarity for some and complete confusion for others. Conflicts arise in couples where one person’s friendship with someone else leaves their partner feeling neglected and angry, but…

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How Do Affairs Affect Children? (Part II): Should We Tell Our Children?

February 7, 2009 Susan Berger Comments 12 comments

Your Role as Parents No matter how devastated you are, you are still faced with the task of keeping it together for the children. This can be a double-edged sword. The immediacy and sometimes enormity of children’s’ needs can function as a welcome distraction from the pain you are in on the one hand; on the other, you may be feeling depleted emotionally and physically and not have much to give. With regard to the latter, it is very tempting…

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Can Relationships That Start as Affairs Succeed?

February 18, 2008 Susan Berger Comments 539 comments

I came across an interesting statistic recently; 25% of relationships that start as affairs succeed. “Succeed” is defined as the couple staying together, rather than by the quality of the relationship. I was surprised by the statistic. If I had to guess, I would have thought the figure to be much lower. (For an update on this statistic go to “Can Relationships That Start as Affairs Succeed? Revisited”). But a statistic is just that, and doesn’t tell you anything…

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Should I Tell My Partner About The Affair?

October 31, 2007 Susan Berger Comments 54 comments

Most likely if you are reading this you have been struggling with whether to tell your partner for a while. It’s natural to feel paralyzed, and unable to think deeply about your options. The issues involved can seem endlessly complicated; any route you take resulting in emotional upheaval for everyone involved. Revealing your affair will undoubtedly alter many important relationships in ways that you cannot predict or control. The situation is less difficult if you are clear that you want…

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About Affairs

September 14, 2007 Susan Berger Comments 19 comments

I am setting up this blog because I find myself increasingly moved by the efforts of my clients who chose to work through the devastating effects of affairs, whether individually, or in couples and by the profoundly deepening connections that this work can bring, almost as if the couple is discovering each other for the first time. I would like to create a space where those concerned with extramarital or extra-relationship affairs can learn about them and share their own…

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